Here's why we are terrible

Why We Are Rubbish

We have given plenty of reasons to visit this site on our about page, and shouted our media mentions to all and sundry. For balance, here are some reasons why you shouldn’t come back to our website:

We’re Awful Travellers…

Get in Touch With Your Inner Jerk: Keeping and Losing Your Cool on Your Travels

Squirting people with water pistols

As long as we Brits stay sober our reputation is one of politeness, queuing and mumbling apologies when people bump into us. Conforming somewhat to the stereotype I realised a long time ago that if I didn’t draw on deep down negative energies and be a bit of a dick now and then I’d be picked on, put down and pushed around whenever I crossed the English Channel.  Though I appreciate my inner jerk’s efforts to help out it is, as British journalist Malcolm Muggeridge said of his libido, like being chained to a lunatic. The thing has no sense of proportion, lacks timing and is entirely without common sense. From ducking the punches of an elderly Bulgarian to the Chicken Dance, I’ve made a tit of myself on almost every continent thanks to my inner jerk. (Luckily for you we tend to travel independently so we won’t end up in your tour group if you decide to work in tourism.)

We’re Crap Volunteers…

Volunteer Work in Kanchanaburi with Safari Volunteers

Volunteering with lions

Jeez, we write about this stuff for a living! During our stint volunteering in Thailand Deirdre ran away from a tiger – not an unreasonable thing to do, to be fair, but dropping the bag of chicken as she ran might have been a good idea – and felt pretty much everything wanted to eat her, while I exercised a lion and became a monkey’s little bitch. Nonetheless, we’d love to volunteer some more and we can be hired to volunteer for you or look after your house and pets, if you like. We also have a whole section of JAB devoted to Free or Cheap Ways to Volunteer Abroad for you to give it a try too.

We Hate on Mountains…

The Man Who Went up a Mountain… and vowed Never to go Near One Again

Mountains are evil

Who doesn’t like mountains? We don’t, that’s who. The thing about mountains is they are really, really hard work. They are marvellous things to admire in the distance but up close, walking up them for days on end, they are evil. We keep forgetting how horrible they are and signing up for hikes only to remember once there’s no turning back that they can only be punishment for the truly frightful acts we must have committed in a previous life. Don’t just take our word for it though, we made a handy Inca Trail simulator for you to decide for yourself.

We’re Even Mean to Children…

Dear Children of the World: Why I Won’t Give You Money

Get lost children

We don’t really hate kids. Just those with perfectly adequate parentage and means who expect us to give them money because we are foreign tourists, the short undeserving greedy bastards.  If you are better with children than we are, how about becoming an au pair?